There is this older gentleman where I work who only jokes or talks to people he likes. Unfortunately, a lot of his joking around with me is about my weight. It hurts my feelings and I don’t know how to tell him without coming across as uber-sensitive. It’s not as if he’s thin. I think he ate Santa AND about 25 elves. Hey pot, it’s kettle, guess what? You’re fat too!
Speaking of fat. I know that I’ve lost weight, and I think it’s caused a type of body dysmorphic disorder in reverse. My mind thinks that I’m smaller than I really am. I think this is because I was very healthy until I was about 20. My mind still thinks THAT’S me. I recently caught some photos of me from the 5K the other day and almost passed out. THAT’s me? No way!! Can’t be!! And…..now I’m wicked depressed. I don’t know what I thought. Even with the previous weight loss, I’m still 120 lbs over-weight. That’s nothing to laugh at. I start a Yoga for beginners class tomorrow AND I’m going to make my way through the Biggest Loser cardio dvd.
It’s not ALL depressing. Before, I couldn’t really play outside with Monkey. I always had to sit. Today, I was chasing him up ladders and going down slides. That’s a HUGE accomplishment for me!! Progress is progress and until I really see the results that I want, I’m just going to have to remember to look at the small things.